Erasing the lines

I honestly didn’t know what I was gonna do for my last SAMO and that worried me. Was I going to go to a museum? A speaker presentation? I was stumped for quite some time to be completely honest with you until none other than the Sammy Bellman helped me out. We had just finished reading the book Evicted: Poverty and Profit in The American City by Matthew Desmond, an incredibly articulate piece of literature focusing on evictions from a first-hand perspective. Desmond put himself in the shoes of those who he writes about as he actually lived with his characters throughout the stay of his study.

The inside of the National Public Housing Museum Photo Courtesy of me

Sammy actually approached me with the idea about a couple of weeks prior to our installation and I was very much interested. It was called Undesign the Redline, an exhibit put together by the National Public Housing Museum of Chicago talking about the term Redlining and its history in Chicago and the rest of the U.S. When we first realized that it would be a great SAMO opportunity to connect to our novel, we also realized there was a dilemma. I feel like most of my SAMOs have involved some sort of unsuspected temporary setback. The problem was that the exhibit was only open till 5 pm as that was also when the museum closed. The museum was also only open during weekdays which was going to be a problem regarding transportation. We ended up deciding on a day to get called out of school early so we could make it to the museum in time with a solid window for viewing.

The five posters prior to the panels displaying the percentiles of the certain categories Photo Courtesy of Me

After doing some light research about the term Redlining and its history in the U.S. it made me think of our preparations for our trip. Let me elaborate. I have never wanted to put my parents in a bad light unless something is done that bothers me to a certain extent. To their eyes, Chicago is deeply divided, they know where the “Southside” apparently begins, what neighborhoods to stay in and out of, I’ve always listened to them until recently. The problem is that they have a one-sided perspective, they think that if I step foot in a single neighboorhood where crime happens something will happen to me and I won’t be safe. They tell me I should avoid the red line. I should avoid driving my car in some parts of Evanston because someone will break-in. I shouldn’t bring this or that because it will get stolen. Now I understand where they come from as I’m their kid, but what they don’t realize is that this isn’t necessarily the case at all. Yes, some areas are “safer” than others but they must also understand the context of some of these communities. Redlining and racial zoning from history have made it difficult to escape the pit of poverty and inequality that the city has instilled from early on for many predominantly Black citizens along with other minority groups. I lied to my parents about how we were going to go to the city, Sammy and I were taking the redline to a part of what used to be the projects, a couple of blocks from where Cabrini Green a public housing project in North Chicago used to be.

 

I ended up packing pretty lightly because of where we were going and I didn’t know if the area would be safe or not. Unfortunately, I attribute this to the socialization I’ve grown up around not only from my parents as I mentioned above but also the media and news. After leaving school, Sammy and I hopped on a couple of trains and eventually the redline which we took to the Chicago stop. When we got off the train the first thing we saw G-Wagon. Yes, you heard me, a G-Wagon. Next to it was a nice Audi and then a Porsche. This was shocking and made me quite sad. Not only had it proven the wrong in our assumptions of the area but also it had proved that our socialization was there.

 

The National Public Housing Museum ended up being a lot smaller than we expected. After ringing the doorbell to be let in by a man, we found that we were the only people in the entire place beside the 2 staff that were working. The exhibit was laid out along a singular wall and divided into 5 well-organized panels which contained information about redlining. We were told to start from the leftmost panel and move to the right.

 

Prior to the first panel, the exhibit began with a series of posterboards highlighting the continuing effects of redlining today. I’ve talked about what redlining is more in-depth in my research blog and non-research blog which I’ve linked but it was essentially the systematic division and politicized segregation of predominantly Black citizens and other minority groups into zones based on race. On the posterboards that were presented before the first panel, there were five categories displayed being Housing & Stability, Education, Health & Well-Being, Economic Security, and Mobility. In each map which I will include graphics of, they were color coded so each shade of a certain color represented a certain percentile on a scale. Northbrook fell into the 99th percentile on all of the posters for each category which I, unfortunately, was not surprised by but it was also sad to see that in many of the surrounding areas they fell under the 0 or low percentile.

The first of five panels talking about how redlining was put in place Photo Courtesy of me

The first panel after the preface introduced Sammy and me to the history of redlining. It not only gave an in-depth history of how redlining came to be but it mainly focused on the ways it was institutionalized. It was really disturbing to me. The idea that not just the politicians but the people were making it physically and mentally difficult for minority groups to make considerate ground in their lives. Some of these methods of instilling redlining in history included Predatory Banking, where banks would close branches and refuse loans to those who lived in these redlined or “hazardous” areas. Or they would give subprime loans making it difficult if you were to miss a payment. Within in Matthew Desmond’s book, he provides a real example of how hard these loans can hurt people. “The year before, she had been talked into refinancing with a subprime loan. Her payments kept going up, jumping from $920 to $1,250 a month, and her hours at Potawatomi Casino were cut back after her maternity leave” (125). The woman in this example from Evicted essentially was talked into predatory banking here without prior knowledge of this and it ended up hurting her and her kids, in the end, leading to an eviction Some other examples of institutionalized segregation included Contract Buying and Block Busting.

A map on the first panel, you can see the many ways redlining was institutionalized Photo Courtesy of me

The second panel included a large map, where visitors were asked to place pins on an area where they live or used to live. The map displayed was a 1930s styled map with redlining division factored so people could see the labels of where their homes were. We used this idea in our Gallery of Conscience installation which we credited. This definitely gave me a new perspective on our city. It was really quite frustrating to see the labels given to certain areas and how certain racial zones automatically received a certain color classification. For example, many of the areas where the Black population was high, it was designated as “Hazardous” or “Declining”. To both Sammy and I, it was surprising to see a declining area of Northbrook because we have grown up around an apparently affluent area even though we know there is inequality.

The second of five panels in the museum with the map with pins Photo Courtesy of me

The third panel was by far the most interesting of the 5 and remains as one of the most impactful historical layouts I have ever seen. It was divided into 4 eras, each labeled with a time period and description of inequality. Each era was connected to one another beginning from the first which contained information about the end of slavery and the early Jim Crow era to the fourth which contained information about the Black Lives Matter movement and mass incarceration. Throughout the timeline, it displays an event or category of movement with a brief blurb and an arrow displaying the connection and ultimate cause and effect impact. The reason this was so impactful for me was that it displayed the entire history of major events regarding race and how inequality emerged in America for predominantly Black people. This panel made me think of the Cycle of Socialization in a different way. I think back to the times in school when we have learned about segregation in history and slavery. While we typically covered the topics of the Civil Rights Movement, Jim Crow Laws, and Slavery, I feel as though we never dove deep enough into the long-term connections and impacts of history. “We are exposed to rules, roles, and assumptions that are not fair to everyone” (Harro 48). We are taught certain things in school and sometimes we may not realize that socialization is occurring. Had our education system focused on the long-term effects of discrimination and segregation from history, it would help us see the world differently and advocate for change.

This is the map from the second panel, you can see where other visitors of the museum have placed their pins Photo Courtesy of me

The fourth panel was significant as it focused on case studies from around Chicago. Small moments of inequality that impacted the greater populations without regards to public safety. It was important but I think towards the larger message it wasn’t as important as the rest of the panels.

An era of the third panel. You can see how one thing leads to another eventually entering another era. Photo Courtesy of me

The fifth and final panel was a summation of the exhibit’s message. How can we undesign redlining? What can we as citizens do to help advocate to bring change in another community? The answer to this question is to act as a community. Citizens need an advocate for change not just to the direct source but first as a community. If people come together to form a voice then this can help undesign redlining’s long-term effects on minority groups.

Here I hold a sign talking about how fair housing should not factor incarceration. Photo Courtesy of Sammy Bellman

Here fellow CSTer Sammy Bellman holds the same sign. Photo Courtesy of me.

With Great Privilege Comes Greater Blindness

I have lived a life of privilege. I have grown up in 2 prosperous suburbs, attended schooling through high school and am now preparing to attend a 4-year university. My parents both have jobs, we have 2 cars, and we own a house. For most of my friends and people who live around me, living this lifestyle may be considered normal, indifferent, and linear. In Northbrook, my friends called it the “Northshore Bubble” or the “Northbrook Bubble” and it wasn’t uncommon to hear the term used when describing where we live.

Here is a statistic about the racial breakdown of our school Courtesy of US News

Although this lifestyle was something I had been socialized by all my life, I have greatly come to understand that it isn’t the reality for a majority of people around the country. Before reading Matthew Desmonds Evicted: Poverty and Profit in The American City, I became truly aware of my surroundings and where I have grown up while in my freshman year of high school. Almost all of my school is white, around 77% to be specific while other parts of the student body are 14% Asian,  and only 1% Black. It’s not even remotely diverse in my opinion. I will come back to this later.

 

Reading Matthew Desmond’s book Evicted: Poverty and Profit in The American City was eye-opening for me. Not only was it providing insight into the lives of people who struggle to afford to live in homes but it also unveiled the hidden inequality that persists in many impoverished communities. What this book did for me that I wasn’t entirely expecting was the fact that it helped me become aware of the socialization around me where I have grown up.

 

One of the themes that continued to recur in the book that struck me was the fact that many of the families were distributing a large quantity of their income for rent leaving only a small margin for other amenities. “If she had a housing voucher or a key to a public housing unit, she would spend only 30 percent of her income on rent. It would mean the difference between stable poverty and grinding poverty,” (Desmond 59). This quote was striking for me as it provided a sense of reality that I had not heard of before and sadly there were many others throughout the book that experienced the same difficulty. Arleen the character being described here is using a small but substantial amount of her income towards housing and unfortunately, here she could be considered “fortunate” in this case to only be using 30% of her income towards rent. As I mentioned earlier I come from a family where both of my parents have jobs with stable incomes, therefore, I can say I was socialized early on to be away from the reality of the fact that many can’t afford stable housing around the US. It becomes even more difficult to face the reality of the larger issues around us when a community socializes you from a young age and that was the difficult reality for my case. The Northshore and Northbrook, in particular, aren’t necessarily places where one will find those who are pinching pennies to afford rent and freely spend their income. Instead, I have begun to see the “shielded” reality that kids around me are growing up in as a result of this book. They are surrounded by wealth, the upper middle-class. I’m not numb to this reality but it pains me to know that without proper education and the willingness to be disturbed in light of Margaret Wheatley’s words, things remain unchanged.

 

Margaret Wheatley’s Willing to Be Disturbed captures a quote that rightfully sums up my mindset approach to this. “We don’t have to let go of what we believe, but we do need to be curious about what someone else believes. We do need to acknowledge that their way of interpreting the world might be essential to our survival” (1). I didn’t necessarily need to leave Northbrook to learn this, I didn’t need to change my thinking radically when talking about with my peers around me, I instead simply needed approach this discussion with an open mind and remain curious.

 

In addition to the socialization that I have experienced regarding the incomes of my parents I think this brook really brought to light just how one thing can bring a whole society down. That sounds super vague and I agree it is but I want to kind of outline it in a way with Desmond’s book. Evicted: Poverty and Profit and The American City brings to light another deeply disturbing issue. That issue being the neglect and modern segregation of Black families in certain communities. Within the novel many of the subjects (who are black) rely on SSI and a separate form of supplemental income to cover them while living in poverty. “Eviction itself often explained why some families lived on safe streets and others on dangerous ones, why some children attended good schools and others on dangerous ones,” (Desmond 252).

 

What this book did was uncover the fact that discrimination still exists today and many don’t grasp the unfortunate reality of why. The truth is that historical acts some of which were put in place by FDR’s New Deal set up historically Black communities for struggle in the future. With segregated housing and historical moves such as  the “War on Drugs” coined by Nixon, Black communities suffered for no reason. With the emergence of redlining which I talk about in my research blog and the increase of crime as a result of this “crackdown” on certain communities, this “image” is created for historically impoverished and Black communities for the future.

 

With this in mind the entire community that I lived has been socialized. I have been socialized as for a long time I thought only of Northbrook as the case for most areas around the U.S. What Matthew Desmond’s book taught me was that we need to be willing to be disturbed even if that means willing to step out of the comfort zone that is this “Northbrook Bubble.”

A Coloring Book

A map of redlining in Chicago’s districts. You can see how the color scheme matches up with the districts based on their “desirable” living. Photo courtesy of Chicago Cityscape

The Black Belt. No, not the cotton band that you earn in martial arts but a term used to a describe a racially segregated portion of Chicago in the mid-1940s containing a large majority of the Black population. Originally the term Black Belt has historically been used to describe a band of southern states where many slaves came from but the Great Migration changed its meaning over time as Black citizens moved towards the northern states.

 

After reading Matthew Desmond’s Evicted: Poverty and Profit in the American City, it became apparent to me that there was a much larger underlying issue encompassing the topics of eviction and poverty. During this literary masterpiece of nonfiction, Desmond jumps first-hand into the lives of many citizens of different races living in poverty and the daily struggles they face trying to pinch pennies to make their rent and keep food on their tables. It was disturbing, heartbreaking, and gripping and I began to unveil a much larger theme and connection in the book that being that Black citizens living in poverty are still discriminated against in today’s society.

A frame from the film A Raisin in the Sun originally written by Lorraine Hansberry. Much of what the family goes through in this playwright reflects the nature of segregation during this time period. Photo courtesy of Turner Classic Movies

Eviction is something that matters now. It disproportionately targets people of color from historical methods of segregation covered under the term “redlining” along with other documents and acts signed under the federal government.

 

Redlining was something that I first learned about in sophomore year in connection to A Raisin In the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry. In Hansberry’s book, we as a class were introduced to the historical context of the emerging segregation in cities like Chicago where the play occurs. To say the least, I don’t exactly remember breaking down the actual meaning of what redlining meant but I began to unpack its connection to Evicted: Poverty and Profit in the American City based off further research into Hansberry’s book. As I mentioned earlier in this blog, the Black Belt was something that gradually developed overtime in Chicago and in some sense it was the early precursor to the beginning of redlining racial segregation. The Chicago Public Library writes briefly about this discussion and Hansberry’s novel and provides a good context of the segregation of Black people in certain communities. “In an effort to keep the newly arriving African Americans out of their neighborhoods, whites within a residential block formed “restrictive covenants,” legally binding contracts that specified a house’s owner could not rent or sell to black people.” (1). The important fact at hand here is that Black people, even after moving away from the southern United States, faced rapid discrimination and labeling which would cause a domino effect of crumbling support. And this wasn’t just taking place in Chicago. Richard Rothstein writes in his book The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America about the racing zoning plan that other states were following. “The first to do so was Baltimore, which in 1910 adopted an ordinance prohibiting African Americans from buying homes on blocks where whites were a majority and vice versa.” (44). Because African Americans were being denied ownership of homes in certain communities by white people, there was this gradual rise of division in cities, hence why the Black Belt and redlining began to form in the first place.

A sign of segregation in renting history in response to the Federal Housing Project. Photo courtesy of Harry S. Truman Library & Museum. 

Redlining was essentially the zoning of certain counties and communities by race demographic which would lead to social divide and false labeling. It’s kind of a dark metaphor but the map of redlining is something that could allude to a children’s coloring book. A WBEZ article covers this topic briefly when the HOLC (Home Owners’ Loan Corporation) designation of certain communities via color-coding is discussed. “The new website reveals HOLC’s color-coded maps that assigned values to neighborhoods. Green areas were the “best” investments, blue areas were “still desirable,” yellow areas were “definitely declining” and red areas were “hazardous”.” (Moore 1). Unfortunately many of these “hazardous” or “definitely declining” areas were impoverished Black communities and this was a product of redlining.  What people don’t realize and what I began to realize was that this designation also came with a variety of negative connotations and assumptions further pushing these communities below the poverty line. “After buying houses on the cheap from nervous white homeowners in transitioning neighborhoods, private investors would sell these houses “on contract” to black families for double or triple their assessed value.” (Desmond 251). Desmond draws a very clear connection to the effects of redlining when he talks about the overcharging of Black families living in these non-publicized communities. What I didn’t really realize at first and what I don’t think many people know about is that when this renting and leasing power is abused in the hands of people like these (in this case white people) in Black communities it ends up leading to further poverty and higher rates of eviction as they’re overcharged for rent.

 

Historically I think that many people think the discrimination in the housing and renting market has dispersed over time as there’s this illusion of justice in America. The fact of the matter though is that many of the historical documents, policies and even strategies for the landlords and government are still in place today and the issue is more dire than it has ever been. In an NPR interview with Terry Gross and Richard Rothstein who happens to be the author of the other book used in this blog says “The second major one was the Federal Housing Administration, which was established in 1934, the year after the Public Works Administration. And the Federal Housing Administration is well known today by many people as an agency that would not insure mortgages for African-Americans.” (Rothstein 3). The FHA is an organization that is still active today. It is active and it is known that they discriminate against Black people regardless of economic class and current residency. As I mentioned earlier about the redlining and zoning based on class and wealth, this organization makes it hard to escape that area demonstrating how creating a perception of community ultimately damages it in the long run. Even when Black people who are of a stable economic class can afford to rent spaces in these redlined areas like these are taken advantage of. “Other landlords and property management companies–like Affordable rentals– tried to avoid discriminating by setting clear criteria and holding all applicants to the same standards.” (Desmond 252). Like I mentioned in the previous paragraph, not only do landlords take advantage of the fact that they can overcharge rent in these areas, but they can make it nearly impossible to buy property outside of the redlined zones. By holding everyone to the same standards with this “cookie cutter” ownership history, a Black family who may or may not live in poverty but live in a redlined zone is put at an automatic disadvantage compared to other prospective tenants from “non-hazardous” zones. We see in Evicted: Poverty and Profit in The American City that Crystal and Vanetta who had been searching hundreds of properties for affordable rent were quickly denied an opportunity to strike a deal mid-conversation by a prospective landlord.

Evictions matter in today’s world not just because it uncovers the issue of poverty in Black communities but because it uncovers the larger problem of present discrimination in society. From the racial zoning known as redlining to the acts and organizations put in charge, it’s an unseen issue to the public eye. Society needs to take a step back to understand why and how this discussion matters.

The above video well summarizes redlining, race, and segregation in an interesting way by analyzing its long-term effects and cycle that it creates in society.

 

Sources:

Book(s): The Color Of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America, By Richard Rothstein

Evicted: Poverty and Profit in The American City, By Matthew Desmond

Chicago Public Library: https://www.chipublib.org/housing/

WBEZ: https://www.wbez.org/shows/wbez-news/new-redlining-maps-show-chicago-housing-discrimination/37c0dce7-0562-474a-8e1c-50948219ecbb

NPR: https://www.npr.org/templates/transcript/transcript.php?storyId=526655831

Distortion

Black citizens affected by Hurricane Katrina Photo Credit: slate.com

Illusion. The concept of taking something whether it be physical or emotional and warping it in such a way that the viewer doesn’t understand the true context or meaning until there is further exploration of the subject. To the average viewer, an illusion is exemplified in the form of a puzzle, that page you see in those books where your brain is forced to think or look at the graphic from a different perspective. When I think of illusion I think of my friends, hiding the true nature of their schemes behind sarcasm. Emotional illusion.

 

After reading Citizen: An American Lyric by writer Claudia Rankine, my idea of what an illusion was changed. It provided me with new insight, a new perspective, and frankly, in some ways, my idea of an illusion was a distortion of its unseen injustice. Rankine dives deep into the themes confrontation and empathy in her lyric forcing the citizen to think about the life of a Black individual in the U.S. “Your fingers cover your eyes, press them deep into their sockets – too much commotion, too much for a head remembering to ache. Move on. Let it go. Come on.” (Rankine 66). She instills the physical and emotional pain it presses on her mind. Empathy.

 

Citizens live in a world that is constantly changing for the better and for the worse.  This statement appears frequently in society yet something that has consistently appeared more in the media recently surrounds the idea that there is an illusion of justice in the U.S. Illusion in society you may be thinking? It’s really not abstract when the topic is broken down and the citizen begins to see what is actually happening “behind the scenes.” Rankine includes an interview from Hurricane Katrina in chapter 6. “We never reached out to anyone to tell our story because there’s no ending to our story, he said. Being honest with you, in my opinion, they forgot about us,” (84). That was Hurricane Katrina, a natural disaster. To the public eye, it was a build-up of community, devastation that brought people together to help one another. To rebuild a community that had been demolished. It was disturbing reading this, to think that even amidst a natural disaster, race, poverty, and class were considered in relief efforts. This so-called relief effort was really an illusion. These people weren’t helped and in fact, many of them (as informed from this quote) still live without a stable financial life because they were never relieved after the hurricane by the federal government.

 

After reading through the lyric I began to draw a connection to another authors piece. Isabel Wilkerson who writes her own chapter in the book The Fire This Time talks about her disturbing realization about police brutality. “There was a lynching every four days in the early decades of the twentieth century. It’s been estimated that an African American is now killed by police every two to three days.” (61). There it is again, its an illusion. The media, the government, and sometimes classrooms teach us, citizens, that history shall not be repeated, that the U.S. shall not return to the things that brought this country in a shadow. As a society citizens have failed to realize that history may repeat itself in a form such that is unrecognizable. Rankine supports Isabel Wilkerson’s ideas further in her passage about the Stop-and-Frisk policy implemented by the New York Police Department. “And you are not the guy and still you fit the description because there is only one guy who is always the guy fitting the description.” (106). There is this perception, this crackdown especially in the scene regarding arrests and incarcerated civilians that police brutality has been brought to the forefront of conversation and is being “corrected” in the U.S. What Rankine highlights though raises the issue and the question of how successful is this plan? How is there a stop to the arrestment of innocent Black individuals?

 

Citizens aren’t looking at the illusion from the other side and when this doesn’t happen, injustice becomes this building sinkhole that the rest of the world doesn’t see.  As I began to explore these conversations there was an evident connection that emerged tying in Margaret J. Wheatley’s comments from her piece Willing to Be Disturbed. “I don’t believe most of us want to keep struggling through it alone, I don’t know what to do from my own narrow perspective,” (Wheatley 3). Wheatley brings up an interesting point. Her piece surrounds the idea of an outcry, a calling for other citizens, but she presents the information in such a way where she recognizes the fact that people aren’t doing anything. If they chose to stay where they are both literally and mentally, in some ways there emerges this domino effect of conservative thought. The fact of the matter is that this wraps around the concept of illusion and this “pushing away” of injustice in the U.S., in turn, ends up hurting the Black community indirectly. adds onto this building argument against how to counteract the illusion of  Police brutality compared to the lynchings, the disregarding of Black impoverished individuals in New Orleans after a hurricane.

 

Illusion persists in this country yet we need to look at that illusion from a non-comforting perspective. The distortion and falsified image that is brought upon us must be removed. The citizens must be willing to be disturbed. There will be no tolerance for unseen injustice to persist in this country.

“Man Up”

It is quite frustrating when you forget things and it’s even more frustrating when you know that it might cost you some cash. This unfortunately was the case for me when me and two fellow CST-ers Bridget and Sammy boarded the red line towards Andersonville on the evening of March 6th. I had forgotten to pay for parking and I panicked as we transferred to the yellow line. Thankfully Sammy’s mom was the hero of the night and bought a parking ticket for my car saving me and my parents probably a couple hundred bucks and an increase in insurance rates.  

The section of the bookstore where the event took place. Photo Courtesy of me

Aside from the panic that was put on me early in the evening, I was looking forward to hearing the presentation about Toxic Masculinity at the well known feminist bookshop Women and Children First. We ended up overestimating the time it would take to get there and we had about an hour to spend prior to the presentation which began at 7.

Since it was so crowded Sammy, Bridget and I had to split up. Photo Courtesy of me

Andersonville was really quite a cute area and since the weather was on the “warmer” side which in Chicago means above 30 degrees, the 3 of us spent that hour walking past store by store. Sammy found this really cool comic shop situated at the end of a dimly lit alley so we had to stop by. After having walked around for about 30 minutes Bridget said she was hungry so we looked for a cafe to keep us over throughout the presentation until after for dinner.

Bridget and I had to sit away from Sammy and Maddy. Photo Courtesy of Sammy

We ended up grabbing a quick bite at Lost Larson bakery which I later realized was owned by the Bobby Schaffer, the ex-pastry chef at the now closed 3 michelin-starred restaurant Grace. It was phenomenal and it kept the 3 of us filled till the end of the presentation.

Bridget (left) ate a ham and cheese croissant while Sammy ate a Lingonberry cake. Photo Courtesy of me

We made our way over to the bookstore after and the first thing I noticed when walking in was the amount of contemporary themed books that lined the shelves. In the kids section (which was where the presentation was held) I was impressed by how the books had changed overtime from when I was younger. There was a picture book adaptation of Hidden Figures, a book teaching kids about pride, and even a book called “Woke Baby” which I thought was interesting. I think that we underestimated how many people would show up at the presentation because even at 6:50 there was quite a large crowd. Because of this our little group including Maddy (who met us at the bookstore later in the night) had to split up and sit in separate areas.

The outside of the bookstore at night. Photo Courtesy of me

The event of the night was called “Am I Man Enough?” which was organized by Ada Cheng and the bookstore. There, multiple speakers would share personal stories and experiences surrounding the theme of toxic masculinity. Ada presented first beginning with a statement that one of her goals of the event was to not only touch the heart and mind but to also break the culture of toxic masculinity. She began with a story about her early life in Taipei with her family and her father’s attitude. She described her father as this terror according to her memories, outbursting around their mother and her brother named DC. It was a saddening story and it took a turn in a more dark direction when she talked about her life when they were older. Her brothers personality became more aggressive and she found that the times where she needed to avoid her father became the same with her brother.

Ada Cheng, Photo Courtesy of Ada Chengs Facebook Page

Ada reminisced about a conversation with her brother where she was trying to tell him that the tip for a service at a restaurant was around 15-20% where his stance was 10%. She was right and she knew she was right because she had worked in the food service before but her brother would not “back-down” for he felt that he needed to reprimand his ego. He vocalized that with anger and that shift in tone made Ada realize that she was actually in an argument that she didn’t pick-up on before.

 

Her story closed with a statement where she said that it took her “decades to name their family dynamic as domestic abuse.” It was heartbreaking, to see a family descend into a pit because of violence and abuse yet the real message here was that there is a culture toxic masculinity and cycle of violence in society. It turned out that this had been the first time Ada had presented her story as toxic masculinity and it helped me understand how this connects to the CST curriculum. There were a couple times throughout the night where Ada referenced this “Cycle of Violence” that connected to many of the speakers and it reminded me of Bobbie Harros “Cycle of Socialization.” I know i’ve talked about it many times in past blogs but her story was a concrete example of this seen in her brothers transition throughout adulthood.

Ada Cheng telling her story. Photo Courtesy of me

Because of her fathers abusive tendencies and tactics used against Ada and her mother, her brother ultimately embodied his father’s values and behaviors. In her analysis, I connected her brother most specifically with the First Socialization from Harros cycle. “They shape our dreams, our values, our expectations, and our future roles,” (Harro 46). Adas brother most likely learned early on from his fathers abusive tendencies that the man was the “head of the house” and should assume those responsibilities when older. He assumed his father’s values and those were wrong.

 

You could argue that the culture Ada grew up in supported the idea that the man of the house is deemed normal in society and I believe this was true for her brothers case. Sammy brought this up in conversation with me but in Chinese society, the concept of Confucianism still exists in the 21st century. According to an abstract I ended up finding from the U.S. National Library of Medicine, “Confucianism in China instills the concept of male superiority over women. Although the laws in the New China establish women’s rights, the practices and norms of society still engender male dominance,” (Z, 1). Adas brother was not only influenced by his father’s actions but also by a culture that supports toxic masculinity.

 

There were many other moving speakers that presented including LeVan Hawkins who talked about the internalized homophobia he brought upon himself because of his mother, Wil Whedbe who spoke about their gender identity and personal misogyny, Himanbindu Poroori, who talks about seeing the true nature of her father’s identity, and Tony Ho Tran who talks about the negativity of “manning up”. These speakers were wonderful and their stories were important in the discussion of toxic masculinity but one of the storytellers impacted me the most.

Ton Ho Tran shares his story about his experience accidentally throwing up on his middle school crush after playing spin the bottle. Photo Courtesy of me

Her name was Anne Purky and she walked up to the front to tell the story named “Happy Pappy Weekend” which I initially was curious about. She began by prefacing the topic of the story telling the audience that some of the story was triggering which concerned me. She began her story by describing the area she grew up in which was Lake Forest, something that I was surprised to hear. It definitely hit uncomfortably close to home. Their family was living the “American Dream”, they had money, lived in a wealthy area, and belonged to a country club.

Anne Purky tells her story. Photo Courtesy of Sammy

The audience quickly learned that her family dynamic was far from perfect and she talked about the fact that she knew her father was a chronic alcoholic who would go to the city at night to drink, and cheated on her mom. She also noted that her father would let her drink at a young age which I guess isn’t unusual for a family in the north shore.

 

Anne then told us about her life at college, she attended Skidmore. During the time she was there, there was a tradition called “Happy Pappy”, a weekend where the fathers of the daughters who attend the college would come for the weekend for father-daughter bonding time. It seemed like a fru-fru event for the privileged in my mind. Anne then talked about one of the nights on the weekend where she and her father were at the bar, she was intoxicated and so was he. He then proceeded to sexually abuse her. She said that after that moment she didn’t remember the rest of the weekend because of the amount of alcohol that was consumed.

 

I was deeply disturbed. Anne talked about her life after that weekend. She approached her own mother after some time about the sexual abuse moment in which her mother told her not to repeat those words in front of her own family again. She kept quiet and throughout her life didn’t begin talking about this moment until after the hearings of Brett Kavanaugh and the upbringing of the #metoo movement.

Supreme court justice Brett Kavanaugh. Photo Courtesy of Vox

She too concluded her story at the end with a very firm statement that made me uncomfortable. It looked like she was looking directly at me when she said it. “If you’re a privileged man, you can get away with anything.” I was bothered by this and for good reasons.

 

I think the overarching message of her story here was that there is toxic masculinity in wealthy societies and it hit close to home because we are growing up in an area that is very similar to hers. We live in Northbrook and many people do live that American Dream lifestyle, but we fail to overlook the fact that there is toxic masculinity. Because of the wealth we are surrounded by experiences similar to Annes story could be happening except we just aren’t aware about it. It is disturbing to think about but I think it is important that there is awareness of this subject of matter. The socialization of the north shore “bubble” is real.

Here we all stand after the presentation. Photo Courtesy of the guy we met in the bookstore

Overall, this event was incredibly impactful for me, not only was I hearing very interesting stories about toxic masculinity but I was able to connect it to my life and surroundings of where I live. Because of this talk it helped me reflect upon who I am as a person and how I treat other individuals.

Source(s) used:

Confucianism: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12290499

Ada Chengs Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/dr.adacheng/photos/a.1881026855463286/2230235827209052/?type=1&theater

Link to event: https://www.womenandchildrenfirst.com/event/storytelling-show-am-i-man-enough

Who Are You?

Personally, reading “Fun Home” was an active goal at hand. I’m not sure what I was expecting when I first picked it up but I quickly realized it was more than just a comic about a woman’s perpetuated relationship with her father or about a father’s dedication to his carpentry. It instead focused more on an examination into how social identity is shaped from experience and interaction.
For me, this social identity aspect of the memoir was the overarching theme. Between the seemingly neck-to-neck moments of Alison and her father Bruce, the deeper focus of the memoir cycled around the fact that there was some dimension of character to their social identities. Alison dives into her understanding of being a lesbian while it becomes apparent that her father may be bisexual.
Choosing the most impactful element for Fun Home was difficult. I wanted to represent the relationship between Alison and Bruce. It was a grueling process and after sorting through dozens of Google stock images I decided to draw, yes draw. I’m no artist but I wanted to get my point across. The center graphic of Bruce and Alison facing different sides of the board was intended to represent their separate conflicts (the opposing heads) yet the shared mentality. Despite frequent fighting, their relationship and shared mindset of social identity keep them together (heads touching each other).
I decided to split the board into three portions. The left, gender identity, the right, repression, and the middle shared aspects and their connection. I personally associated Alison most with gender identity because of her personal confliction with being lesbian so her head faces that side as she appears to be “searching”. I know “searching” seems loose but if you think about it, she looks for outlets of her gender identity via books and dictionaries. I tried to solidify this by including a vague yet significant quote from Bobbie Harro’s Cycle of Liberation representing the metaphorical and literal action of Alison case. “We may discover that we need to educate ourselves: read more, talk to people, bounce ideas and views around with others, begin listening to the news with new ears, seek expertise,” (621). I chose to include Desmond Meagleys drawing (left of the board) depicting an individual looking at their reflection as I feel it puts down the socialized stigma that understanding what your social identity is, is “easy”.

Graphic courtesy of artist Desmond Meagley via npr.org

Bruce Bechdel, in my opinion, the perpetrator and dishonorable mentor of this memoir is represented on the right side of the board. If you didn’t pick up on this I’m not sure you actually “read” the memoir, but it becomes apparent that Bruce was probably bisexual or gay by many of his mannerisms and actions. I associated his personality and anger with the theme of repression as in some sense he has not only repressed his own “true” social identity throughout his life but also his own daughters. We see Alison’s life descend into a hole when she talks about her obsessive-compulsive lifestyle that emerged, “At the end of the day, if I undressed in the wrong order, I had to put my clothes back on and start again.” (137). The reality is that the snappy comments Bruce makes about Alison’s clothing, and actions inadvertently repress her by creating the feeling of shame and guilt.

Page 137 from “Fun Home” by Alison Bechdel

The analysis of this project was difficult and ultimately amongst this, the toughest element was finding the connection between gender identity and repression. I left this section for the center of the mashboard because the blend between the two being Alison and Bruce represented the deep-rooted connection of their shared social identity. At first glance, it doesn’t seem like it would be that difficult to draw a connection based on the things I just talked about, but of course, it was difficult. A New York Times article from Richard and William Ryan about a homophobia theory well captures an approach to the memoir I did not know. “One theory is that homosexual urges, when repressed out of shame or fear, can be expressed as homophobia,” (1). Yes, you’re probably thinking that this quote focuses explicitly on Alison, but that is false. It instead gave me insight into the father’s relationship with his gender identity and how he may have internalized repression and shame for his identity while being married. This internalized opinion on himself may explain much of the repression and shunning attitude towards Alison and her gender identity.
“Who are you?” Is the question that I titled this and I named it that because the book encompasses the idea of searching. Alison searches for information about being a lesbian while her father internalizes his own repression and looks for ways to communicate with his daughter.

Source List:

Untitled/DesmondMeagley/npr.org

PointingFingerofShame/CarolAnderson/reachoutrecovery.com

Lesbian Cartoonist Alison Bechdel Countered Dad’s Secrecy By Being Out and Open by Terry Gross via npr.org

A Quest for Authenticity: Contemporary Butch Gender by Heidi M Levitt, Katherine R Hiestand via proquest.com

Homophobic? Maybe You’re Gay by Richard M. Ryan, William S. Ryan via nytimes.com

Fun Home by Alison Bechdel

This White Canvas Means Nothing

My SAMO experience for this quarter began in quite an unexpected way, to be honest. On Thursday, January 3rd a fellow CST-er Andreea Sabau and I decided to begin the new year with a trip to the Woman Made Gallery. The gallery showcased a collection of art made by women while also raising awareness for the equal placement of women’s art in the art world. I was quite excited to view and interpret this gallery until both of us walked into the rustic building to find that it was closed. It was a sad day. Disappointed by our discovery Andreea and I ended up Ubering to the Museum of Contemporary Art at Chicago also known as the MCA.

The names of the contributing artists of the West by Midwest exhibit line the walls of the museum. If you would like to see the awesome building the Woman Made Gallery was in, visit Andreeas blog! Photo courtesy of me

I have never been to the MCA before (maybe I did but just can’t remember), I know right, I guess I’m considered “uncultured”. The first thing I must state though is that I walked in as a partial skeptic of modern art. Yes, even though I consider myself an amateur photographer, I struggle to grasp the concept of modern art and its confusing antics. One thing I would also like to mention is that there’s definitely a stigma towards modern art, people think that artists merely throw some paint and objects together and sell it for millions of dollars which isn’t necessarily true.

 

I’m going to talk about a couple exhibits that intrigued me and one of them was called “A Body Measured Against the Earth”. To my “dismay” it was not an actual body measured against earth, I mean we were in the MCA so I’m not sure what I was expecting. The purpose of the exhibit was however meant to showcase the relationships between the mind, body, and earth in the form of art. There, pieces of artists collections were sprawled out along the walls each with a small blurb. One piece that struck me was one called “Disappearance Suit” by Maria Gaspar.

Maria Gaspar, Photo courtesy of Maria Gaspar

I will include a photo of it below but this piece showcased Gaspar (The artist) dressed in a suit of grass laying in a field of grass. It sounds a bit perplexing but this piece had a deep meaning that resonated with me. Maria is a first-generation Mexican-American artist and inspired by her heritage, this piece represented the invisibility and hypervisibility that some immigrants experience when moving somewhere.

Disappearance Suit (Marin Headlands, CA), 2017 Courtesy of Maria Gaspar

While this artwork conveyed a deep relationship between heritage and her land, I believe it was more indicative of a current event being Trump’s presidency. With recent issues regarding border security, our rather sensitive president Donald Trump has made an effort to erect a wall at the southern border of North America. Unfortunately, these events brought a wave of attention towards illegal immigrants and I believe that Gaspar’s description of the “invisibility or hypervisibility” immigrants face is nodding to this event.

 

To be completely honest this didn’t strike me till much much later on our viewing of other exhibits in the museum but this work of art really impacted me as a learner. Granted Gasper comes from a Hispanic background, I began to see the greater extent of Trump’s impact on North America and how even groups of artists were recognizing the disembodiment of our country. This realization was somewhat of a “Cycle of Liberation” moment for me as my perspective had shifted not only away from the stigma of modern art but also from our country’s level stability. It saddens me to see what our president has said about immigration especially coming from a family whose grandmother immigrated to the U.S. from the Philippines.

 

Craft Morphology Flow Chart, 1991, Mike Kelley. Some of the handmade dolls seen in the West by Midwest exhibit. Photo courtesy of me

After walking up a couple flights of stairs, which was a large feat considering we walked 3 miles from the train station to the Woman Made Gallery, Andreea and I moved on to the main exhibit West By Midwest. Described as a parallel to history’s western expansion, the plastered paragraph on the wall of the museum informed us of how this exhibit showcased the work of sixty-three artists who moved westward to pursue art (So the collection was quite extensive).

Cradle of Filth, 2013 Amanda Ross-Ho. Ms. Ho’s piece Cradle of Filth represents a large scale depiction of someone’s creativity on an enlarged version of a backpack she discovered. Photo courtesy of me

It showcased quite the collection of pieces including an eight-foot backpack, tables of plush toys, and a book highlighting the “punk” response to the American fetishization of Japanese culture. Of course, these works of art were interesting yet I was most impacted by a piece that was a basketball hoop. This piece was called Suggett by Kori Newkirk and it wasn’t just any normal basketball hoop. In some ways it was ominous. The hoop was silver and was placed high off the ground with strings of pony beads and synthetic hair replacing what was originally the net. According to the blurb which accompanied the piece, there was a common perception made by individuals around him that he played basketball as he was a tall black man. Defying these stereotypes in a sense Kori’s reconstruction of the hoop references the black body without directly stating that creating a powerful piece of art.

Suggett, 2002, Kori Newkirk. The large piece stretches about 10 feet referencing the black body. Newkirk explains that the name of his piece comes from a public park near his hometown in upstate New York. Photo courtesy of me

After doing some research on Kori and some of his work, I found that he commonly takes everyday objects and warps them into something representative of African-American pop culture with a deeper meaning usually regarding race.

Kori Newkirk, photo courtesy of Janm

I was honestly really struck at a personal level by this piece as it wasn’t uncommon for my friends to make stereotypes growing up because of my Asian-American background. This piece also impacted me as a learner because I feel like I sometimes don’t realize that there are other stereotypes around me that I don’t see. It sounds wrong in a way, but because I have focused so much on my individual social identity as an Asian-American individual, I don’t always recognize when something may be disrespectful as for the case of Kori’s story.

Upon closer view of Newkirk’s piece, the viewer will notice the pony beads and synthetic hair that make up the net of the hoop. Photo courtesy of me

It was honestly really disappointing that we didn’t get to see the Woman Made Gallery yet I took away a lot from our visit to the MCA. I look back on my skepticism of modern art after visiting this museum and I’ll honest in saying that my perception has changed. Beyond this, however,  I feel as though I took away the most from the meaning of the art. It ended up being a visit of personal reflection not only upon my social identity but of those around me.

Here is me standing awkwardly in front of the last piece of the West by Midwest art exhibit. Photo courtesy of Andreea Sabau

The Conscience of a Clothing Store

Conscience is a non-linear term, at least in mind it wasn’t. Exemplifying a multitude of definitions and interpretations this word is fairly loose, however as time went on, I noticed that one theme remained constant. That theme was awareness, and not just being conscious of our surroundings but also our minds. After struggling to investigate the meaning of this word, I reached a definition that I believed encapsulated its main idea. Conscience can be defined as the mental step where the individual is aware of one’s positive or negative intentions of themselves and others around them. I did not reach this definition with just one source though and experiential learning and self-reflection helped me gain insight into the blurred lines of this word.

One of the biggest issues in obtaining a conscience is being open to all sides of an argument. This debate characterizes this idea. Photo courtesy of Alyssa Zavaterro

Having conscience encompasses the ability to see the bad and the good and what lies in between. It’s like a political debate where both candidates scream at you convincing you to chose a side. This conscience cannot be reached by one individual though. “To be curious about how someone else interprets things we have to be willing to admit that we’re not capable of figuring out things alone” (Wheatley 2). Of course, this quote was quite perplexing to me. It appeared that Wheatley was telling readers to have self-doubt about their approach towards thinking. This was untrue and after pondering upon her language she was actually providing guidance into how one can pursue that critical mindset to reach conscience. She was teaching others like me to embark on this journey to conscience with help. Over the summer I worked a retail job where many senior citizens were employed. With recent developments in the healthcare issue of the U.S., I never understood the impact it would have on individuals around me because of the Northbrook bubble of privilege. During one of my shifts, I talked to a senior co-worker who complained about the fact that she had to work because of her healthcare situation. She couldn’t cover her husband’s medical expenses. This disturbed me as these were the people shown on the news, the ones that were being affected as a result of the era we live in. This interaction helped me grasp what having a conscience was though, and in the light of Wheatley’s words I was figuring this out with the help of another individual. Just because one obtains conscience does not necessarily mean it will be positive though. “You are a madman. You are insane with egotism. […] A demon who cares more for the purity of a public bath than the lives of his wife and children” (Miller 81). Hovstad’s words were quite harsh here, evident by the word “demon” used to describe Tom. Initially presented as this glorious unbiased individual, Hovstad’s conscience evolved after hearing both sides of the argument at the town hearing. While the subject of his conflict may not have been the same, my interaction with my co-worker was reminiscent of what he experienced. I say this in that conscience was obtained with the help of others. Yes, an awareness of one’s surroundings may stimulate a critical mindset, yet it doesn’t qualify as conscience unless another individual or group of people will assist in suppressing the egocentric tendencies of our human nature.

A graphical representation of the conflicted mind. I felt as though this connected to the problems and struggles of understanding and interpreting the meaning of conscience. Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

Why should we change our viewpoints? Good question. The answer. We’re lazy. A problem in our interpretation of conscience is that individuals who seek to gain it push away change and/or have false perceptions of themselves. “We weren’t trained to admit we don’t know. Most of us were taught to sound certain and confident to state our opinion as if it were true” (Wheatley 1). We’re predisposed to think confidently of ourselves and while it’s not wrong to have confidence, egotism emerges. “We feel our own pain; we don’t feel the pain of others. We think our own thoughts; we do not think the thoughts of others” (Paul, Elder 6). What they are saying is that we don’t care, we embrace our egocentrism, we are lazy. When presented with an ethical dilemma this can hinder our conscience. If an individual is not willing to be disturbed or bothered from what they believe, they don’t have a conscience. “They want me to buy the paper, the public, the pollution of the springs, buy the whole pollution of this town! They’ll make a hero out of me for that!” (Miller 83). Tom appeared to have a rationale for his comments stating what he believed was right, however, his reality was distorted as his egocentric perspective blurred his view of conscience. Conscience is not egocentrism, it isn’t something that should be taken to one’s head and instead should be used to instigate change. The next time you hear something that you don’t agree with, back yourself up, read the news, learn from all sides to build your conscience otherwise, you will be like Tom.   

I worked at the Gap when I talked to my co-worker about her concerns with her husband’s health expenses. I never thought that something as simple as a conversation in a clothing store could change my view on the world. Photo courtesy of CNBC

Conscience isn’t something that is gained with feeling, it is something that is earned with time. Individuals who have conscience display an awareness, a change in perception that causes them to look at both sides equally with a critical mindset. We can all obtain a conscience but we must take one step at a time, it’s about erasing egocentrism and approaching with an optimistic mindset. 

Encompassing the World

I chose this powerful image from the Civil Rights Movement because I believe it well depicts our strength as a society in a time of darkness in our country. Because we were willing to challenge and educate others about ethical beliefs, the Civil Rights Movement helped create positive change. Photo courtesy of Steve Schapiro from ABC news

Educate

Answer

Challenge

It is difficult to give up our beliefs

Our judgments, our ethical feelings

We think our own thoughts

We have invisible privileges

It is difficult to give up our certainties

Some are lucky some are unlucky

Egocentric

 

Prejudice

Together we divide

We are prone to egotism

Tendencies need to be identified

We weren’t trained to admit we don’t know

A complex world

This graphic is pretty self-explanatory but I chose it because it represents the divide that we’ve seen in our world. Photo courtesy of CNN

Self-delusion

How could someone believe that?

Jeopardizing others

By promoting oneself

It exists as an unearned power

 

How do we find our humanity?

Why can’t you see me?

Our social identities divide us repelling each other

I have begun to question this complex society

We no longer live in a slow world

We have sunk low

We need to atone

We need to be disturbed

Bothered

I chose this graphic because it well represents the idea that we must see all sides of the arguments and perspectives before making an ethical decision. Photo courtesy of Wisdomofthewhole.com

How will we succeed?

The question the greatest mystery and the answer the greatest miracle

No one perspective will give us the answer

We must understand that we don’t know

Working diligently from within we cause change

The heart requires safety

We require a heart

The uncritical mind

Prone to manipulation and distortion

Oppressing the others without realizing it

These are the facts

Coloring the orientation of our social identities

We must not follow in their unethical footsteps

 

Skilled ethical thinkers serve one’s interests

Their needs

Treatment remains fair and reasonable

There is a sense of diversity

We’re all capable of this

To challenge the problems of today

To remove this invisible privilege

I chose this photo comparing the Civil Rights Movement to the Gay Rights Movement because I believe it represents how we the people must come together to challenge the problems that we face in society today. Like the Civil Rights Movement, we have made strides in the past by speaking for what we believe in. Photo courtesy of Birminghamtimes.com

Encompass

We will succeed if we can think and work together in new ways

Their way of interpreting the world may be essential to our survival

Rich interpretations grasp more than one

We must increase the breadth of our judgments

Encompassing multiple viewpoints

Other perspectives must be considered

I would know

I am one of them

A SAMO For A Safer Home

On September 23rd me and a couple of my friends (Sarah Sandlow, Andreea Sabau, Nora Smith) went down to the city to the Richard J. Daley center to visit the Doctors Without Borders (Medecins Sans Frontieres) Forced From Home exhibit. Doctors Without Borders is an international humanitarian group that helps communities around the world in need of medical attention and assistance.  The exhibit had been set up by the organization in order to bring awareness to internally displaced refugees from around the world in an interactive way. As the exhibit was outdoors, we were lucky to have good weather and it was sunny during the majority of the time.

This was what the exhibit looked like from the outside. As you can see there are a variety of tents. Photo taken by me.

When we first came to the exhibit we were greeted with volunteers from the organization who placed us in a queue line for the tour. Groups were selected from the queue and we were given guides some of which were volunteers from the organization who had been on multiple missions. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember the name of our tour guide but she was very nice and spoke vibrantly and passionately about the work she had done overseas in other countries. When first entering the exhibit we were each given mock identification cards. Everyone’s card had a different label either an internally displaced person, a refugee or an asylum seeker. We would later learn that these cards would play a role in the simulated journey. I was given an identification card from the Republic of South Sudan was labeled as an internally displaced person. After being given the identification cards the tour began and we were walked through about 12 stations over the course of an hour and a half.

This was the identity card I was given. These were used later during the tour for a separation simulation. Photo taken by me

The tour was quite heartbreaking. After watching a video at the beginning of the tour about the Doctors Without Borders, we were taken through a station where we were given a couple minutes to choose 5 items to take with us on our “journey”. I use this word loosely because it was more like a simulated crisis. This short amount of time given to us to chose these items simulated the situation that we were being forced to leave our homes right then and there. This was incredibly stressful as it forced us to weigh what needed vs. what we wanted. I choose medications, clothing, identification, water, and a cellular device. The station following this was about lifeboats.

Here Andreea Sabau selects 5 necessities for the simulated leave from our home country. Photo taken by me

You have probably seen the news on how many of the refugees, internally displaced persons, and asylum seekers have been trying to escape their countries via lifeboats. Unfortunately, many of these boats never make it to their destination and we simulated the incredibly crude conditions many of these people face. Our tour guide said that many of these boats meant to fit around 7 or 8 people were commonly crammed with 20 or so people. She also mentioned that not everyone has access to legitimate life vests sometimes being given ones stuffed with cardboard or other non-buoyant substances. Something that I found particularly unsettling was the fact that the combination of salt water and gasoline created skin sores and welts on many of the passengers.

During this part of the walkthrough, we were told to climb into the boat to understand how crammed some of them are. Our tour guide is pictured in the white to the left. Photo taken by me

During the rest of the tour, we were given insight into how many of these individuals are treated in their trek to their destination and how Doctors Without Borders has worked to make a change in this global problem. We were also shown stations dealing with disease accommodations, housing, and medical services which were incredibly sad.

A tent for those who had contracted diseases was shown to us during the exhibit. There we learned that 1 case of cholera was considered an outbreak. Photo taken by me

The last item that was shown to us that was emotionally disturbing was the malnourishment wristband. Unfortunately, many of the children who experience these situations are commonly malnourished and do not have access to proper food. One of the ways Doctors Without Borders handles this, however, is they take a wristband similar to the one you may find at a concert venue and such, and measure the circumference of children’s lower arm size. What was so incredibly disturbing, however, was how small some of the circumferences were. Our tour guide said that there had been many cases where kids arms were so incredibly small and it really saddened me to see how this is such a prevalent problem around the world.

During this part of the exhibit, we as a group were divided based on our identification status (Internally displaced, refugee, seeking asylum) in order to explain each type of oppressed citizen. Sarah Sandlow and Andreea Sabau are pictured on the other side of the fence. Photo taken by me

This experience was incredibly eye-opening yet also very saddening and disturbing at the same time. At the very end of the exhibit, my friends and I decided not to take a selfie there because it truly felt wrong as it was a sensitive topic.

Here a series of homemade toys line the ground next to a makeshift tent. Many displaced citizens have families with children who commonly do not have access to toys. Photo taken by me

As a learner, this experience really impacted me. Yes, I can’t remember everything from over a month ago, however, a lot of the details really stuck with me and at the very end, I wanted to find some way to contribute to help of the cause. I’ve always had an interest in Doctors Without Borders. When I was younger I remember watching this episode of Frontline, a show on PBS where members of Doctors Without Borders were shown helping citizens of Liberia during the Ebola crisis. I would highly recommend watching a Frontline episode if you ever get a chance, each one is like a mini-documentary. Back to the point, I really looked up to those who were members of this organization from a young age. Having always had a passion for being that kid to help others and show empathy, medicine is something I’ve wanted to go into. When going through the tour it really intrigued me as we were given first-hand info on not only what has occurred in other areas of the world, but also how the organization functions in helping others. I had a chance to actually ask some of the volunteers at the end what type of medical work they do to help internally displaced persons and refugees which were interesting. This exhibit as a learning experience, however, was overall very engaging and it taught me a lot about what we don’t always see around the world.

The inside of some of the tens Doctors Without Borders sets up for displaced citizens. Many of these citizens leave their home to find a safer place to live. Photo taken by me

Like I said previously, one takeaway from this exhibit was that it highlighted and well-informed me of what we don’t see around the world. We see it in the news sometimes, people being removed from their countries because of war or internal conflict, but we never see what happens after. Yes, hearing about the conditions and low survival rate of the refugees in boats on today’s news is terrible, but having the opportunity to see one of them in person helped me really grasp the dangers many of them face. After going through this tour I felt as though my experience pertained to the “Getting ready” stage of Bobbie Harros “Cycle of Liberation”. Despite already being knowledgeable of the experiences that these refugees go through, I now can’t unsee what I saw and think differently of what I was told on the tour. It’s difficult to look at the news the same way I used to. I know that people are suffering and I have been motivated to take action against this problem.

This is a wide shot of the exhibit. Overall this was a very interesting SAMO opportunity. It made me realize that there is, in fact, an incredibly large number of affected people who have to leave their home countries.

Choosing to visit this exhibit was impactful for me. It was not only engaging as we were put in situations as internally displaced persons and refugees, but it was also informative because our tour guides and volunteers gave us knowledgeable information about the work they do. I have changed my perspective on what goes on around the world and have grasped the fact that people are suffering from this exhibit. Ultimately, I have been motivated to take action against this problem and advocate for change to help internally displaced citizens, refugees, and those seeking asylum reach a safer home.

Photo of other CSTers outside of the exhibit, Andreea Sabau, Sarah Sandlow, and Nora Smith. Selfie taken by me